The Wonger has played four seasons for the Tribe, totaling about 17 games.  Why so many absences, you ask? 

The answer, friends, is really quite simple.  Ryan Wong……..is the devil. 

How else can all of the following strange occurrences be explained? 

Case 1: Logan Lake.  No human could possibly gift the other team two breakaway goals and then persuade the judges to award him the game MVP.  What the hell is up with that? 

Case 2: Frequent absences.  This one is easy.  Tony’s prayers make Ryan (the devil) implode, so he is forced to stay away from most games. 

Case 3: The German.  Who else would befriend a Nazi sympathizer but old Beelzebub himself? 

Case 4: Wicked slapshot.  Well, ok, this one doesn’t really add up, but I have to grill him for those sissy point shots. 

Yes indeedy.  This calm, friendly, unassuming young lad, affectionately known as Wonger is none other than the infamous Dark Angel, Lucifer.  

But that’s ok.  He’s a good defenseman.   

Outlook: Ryan is an excellent all-around player who can skate, pass, take a hit and throw one with equal success.  His presence, however demonic, is imperative for the team to succeed this season.