* 1998 Spring stats incomplete                         ** Tony lived in Hong Kong during this period

From donning the cover of Gentleman’s Quarterly (Coquitlam edition, May issue) to his lucrative chain of Italian-Japanese restaurants (Tokyo Tony’s Harem of Noodles and other Foodstuffs), the easiest one has been a tough one to keep up with this summer.  Reports have been swirling about a variety of gal-pals for Tribe’s all-time penalty leader, from Growing Pains teen queen Tracey Gold to Golden Girls matriarch Estelle Getty, right through to teammate Kevin Qualtrough’s cousin.

Keep an eye out for Fettuccini’s new picture book: 101 expletives to use on the ice  to hit bookshelves by Christmas.  When asked about his new tome, Tony responded “It was obviously ghost-written.  It’s a bit too complicated for me but the kids will love it”.

Forecast: T-Boz had a fine all-around campaign in ½, contributing effectively as both sniper and shadow.  Expect more of the same this season as #91 continues to shed his “flashy” moniker for the more preferable tag, “two way player”.

Special note: A special announcement to all Church of Tony parishoners:  Your attendance is requested this Saturday morning at the local parish (Eight Rinks Cathedral) by Arch-Deacon Felicella. Young children and new players may be sworn in to the Church by reciting the Tribal Creed:

(loosely paraphrased)

Heavenly Lord, thanks for bringing us here today safe and sound.  Help us keep the sticks and pucks low, with scores and spirits high.  Give us some competition, Lord, but not too much of it.  Protect our pretty faces and Paul’s pretty teeth……..etc.